*       My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't! 
*       I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.  
*       I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 
*       Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 
*       I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 
*       Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. 
*       You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 
*       Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 
*       Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research. 
*       I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. 
*       Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 
*       NyQuil - The stuffy, Sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room
spinning-medicine. 
*       I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
*       God must love stupid people, he made so many. 
*       The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
*       It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you. 
*       I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 
*       Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 
*       Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
*       MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

*       Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon! 
*       Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod) 
*       Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up

*       Procrastinate Now 
*       Rehab Is for Quitters 
*       My Dog Can Lick Anyone 
*       I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That? 
*       Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit. 
*       Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been doing
since I was 15. 
*       ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING  (see the 1st on
above) 
*       West Virginia: One Million People and 15 last names 
*       FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
(seen in Seattle area) 
*       MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT 
*       A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 
*       STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere! 
*       DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music 
*       They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken 
*       He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead 
*       Time's fun when you're having flies...Kermit the Frog 
*       POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on. 
*       FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once. 
*       A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand
times the memory. 
*       The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it. 
*       Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 
*       HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig. 
*       WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years. 
*       The trouble with life is there's no background music. 
*       The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 
*       Where are we going? And why am I in this hand basket? 

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