And now for the lighter side of things. Hope everyone enjoys this as much as I did. > >If IBM made toasters... > They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be > submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide > market for five, maybe six toasters. > >If Xerox made toasters... > You could toast one-sided or double-sided. > Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. > The toaster would jam your bread for you. > >If Radio Shack made toasters... > The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about > it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. > >If University of Waterloo made toasters... > They would immediately spin off a company called WatToast. > >If ParcPlace made toasters... > Their OO building block system would be called EGGO. > >If Oracle made toasters... > They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and > styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel > Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three > years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing > smoke. > >If Sun made toasters... > The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa > Java. > >Does DEC still make toasters?... > They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they? > >If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... > They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast > and gives you regular bread. > >If Tandem made toasters... > You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the > toaster would automatically toast you a new one. > >If Thinking Machines made toasters... > You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time. > >If Cray made toasters... > They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other > single-slice toaster in the world. > >If The Rand Corporation made toasters... > It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. > Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their > service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the > blueprints for the box would be highly classified government > documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it. > >If the NSA made toasters... > Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could > access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of > national security. > >If Sony made toasters... > The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece > of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to > your belt. > >If Timex made toasters... > They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that > take a licking and keep on toasting. > >If Fisher Price made toasters... > "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to > toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box. > >If the Franklin Mint made toasters... > Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece > of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster. > >If CostCo made toasters... > They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em. > >And, of course: > >If Microsoft made toasters... > Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a > toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still > have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds > (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough > electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in > your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you > control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would > secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made > them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless > would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their > toasters. > >If Apple made toasters... > It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years > earlier. > ------------------------------------------------------------------- Judith S. Fisher Voice : (310) 820-7191 FDF Enterprises Fax : (310) 826-1615 11656 Montana Ave, Suite 102 E-mail: [log in to unmask] Los Angeles, CA 90049 -------------------------------------------------------------------