Subject: Fwd: FW: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 13:09:34 -0800 (PST) > Subject: FW: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 10:33:29 -0400 > > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > > To the citizens of the United States of America. > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of > the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the > revocation of your > independence, effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume > monarchial duties > over all states, commonwealths and other > territories. Except Utah, > which > she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The > rt. hon. Tony Blair, > MP > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been > unaware that there is a > world outside your borders) will appoint a minister > for America without > the > need for further elections. Congress and the Senate > will be disbanded. > A > questionnaire will be circulated next year to > determine whether any of > you > noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown > Dependency, the following > rules > are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford > English Dictionary. > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation > guide. You will be > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing > it. Generally, you > should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. > Look up > "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words > interspersed with > filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an > unacceptable and > inefficient form of communication. > > Look up "interspersed". > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will > let Microsoft know > on your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and > Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast > English actors as the > good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, > "God Save The > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. > We would not want you > to get confused and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American "football". > There is only one kind > of football. What you refer to as American > "football" is "not a very > good game". The 2.15% of you who are aware that > there is a world outside > your borders may have noticed that no one else plays > "American" > football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, > and should instead > play proper football. Initially, it would be best if > you played with the > girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave > enough will, in > time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to > American "football", > but does not involve stopping for a rest every > twenty seconds or wearing > full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are > hoping to get together at > least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, > using nuclear weapons if > they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were > not aware that > there is a world outside your borders should count > yourselves lucky. > The Russians have never been the bad guys. > > "Merde" is French for "shit". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November > 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be > called "Indecisive > Day". > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are > crap and it is for > your own good. When we show you German cars, you > will understand what > we mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been > driving us crazy. > > Thank you for your cooperation. > >