Sixteen Things That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn
 by Dave Barry

 1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

 2. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can
see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

 3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

 4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above-average drivers.

 5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is
age 11.

 6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."

 7. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

 8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its
full potential, that word would be "meetings."

 9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe
with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message
to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on
cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take
it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always
one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to
take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.