---------------------- Forwarded by Mark Wilkinson/UK/EU/SPE on 07/06/99 12:11
---------------------------

Mark Wilkinson   07/06/99 12:02
(Embedded image moved to file: pic15911.pcx)

To:   Phil Anthony <[log in to unmask]>
cc:
Subject:  Re: Unbelievably Off Topic RE: Travelling to Europe -building a check
      list  (Document link not converted)

How about if travelling from Europe to America....

Item #1: Firearms.
In the US, it is not an offence to carry a powerful semi-automatic rifle in the
trunk of your car. The survival rate after road
rage attacks is not high in the US. Guns are a part of life. The US populace has
the right to bear arms (and the right to
harm bears...)

Item #2: Check your change
All bills in the US are the same size and colour. The only distinguishing marks
are the numbers written on them (1, 5,
10, 20, 10000 and so on). Be careful you don't receive change for a $5 when you
handed over a $10,000 bill by mistake. Make sure you have your contact lenses in
at all times when dealing with money.

Item #3: Service levels
If, upon walking into a restaurant, you are not treated like a millionaire and
carried to your table personally by the head waiter then complain immediately.
Such low standards of service are not what is expected in the US! Also, begin to
realise that lettuce with parmesan cheese on it makes a wonderful middle-course.

Item #4: Walking
Opportunities for walking are limited in the US. Anywhere other than large
cities, sidewalks are considered "old-hat". Exercise in these areas is done by
pushing vigorously on the gas/brake pedal in your car. Gas is so cheap it has
replaced bourbon in some areas. Twice as effective - half the price!

Item #5: Clothing
In the US, it is compulsory to wear (rather fetching) bright tight-fitting
clothing. Flourescent-orange pringle sweaters are particularly appropriate, as
are tweed hats. Learn how to dress by watching some US visitors to London. Only
people with "real" style visit here...

Mark W.
SPE.




Phil Anthony <[log in to unmask]> on 04/06/99 19:54:15

Please respond to Phil Anthony <[log in to unmask]>

To:   [log in to unmask]
cc:    (bcc: Mark Wilkinson/UK/EU/SPE)
Subject:  Unbelievably Off Topic RE: Travelling to Europe -building a check
      list




If you're going to England:

> Item #1 on my list:  Stay Away From The Eggs!  If you see eggs on a
> breakfast menu, RUN!!!  (Free range chickens.  'Nuff said.).
>
Item #2 on my list:  Make Sure Your Pockets Are Reinforced.  You will slowly
acquire a significant number of 1-pound coins.  The smallest bill they have
is a 5-pound note, so the change mounts up in a hurry.

Item #3 on my list:  Buy A Large Billfold.  A very large billfold.  The
notes are of different sizes, and putting away a 20-pound or 50-pound note
can be similar to a flag-folding ceremony.

Item #4 on my list:  Exercise Vigorously.  Taking a lot of luggage?  Guess
who gets to carry it.  Porters, you say?  Okay, find one.  Go ahead.  Ain't
none.

Item #5 on my list:  Don't take horse racing tips from waiters in
fish-and-chips shops.  Long story.