For your Thursday... here's some humour (yes, with the "u", for us yanks out
there, as this is was sent from the European side...

Signs seen around Jolly Old England :-)

Enjoy!



Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:  PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON
THE DRAINING BOARD

On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN.  ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.  (THIS DOOR IS
KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT.  PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)

English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.  WHY NOT BRING
YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.  IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
BEING OPENED.  OPEN TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH:  IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.  NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.  EVERYONE WELCOME

Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND.  ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.  BY ORDER OF
THE DISTRICT COUNCIL

Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK
ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM
IN
ORDER

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE
DISPOSED OF

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.  YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH
MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.  PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

Sign in a Japanese hotel:
SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN BUT NO TROUSERS

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"