IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ AND TAKE APPROPRIATE PRECAUTIONS!
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From: SHARON F HENRY at TUOK001L
Date: 3/6/96 2:31PM
To: ROBERT S FRANKLIN at OKOK001L
Subject: [Fwd: Fwd: New Viruses! Important]
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NEW 1996 COMPUTER VIRUSES YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT:
JOHN BOBBIT VIRUS
Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But
that part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands back to 200MB.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C/:
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If
you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole
damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour
out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything
is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just
thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of
which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the
most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin
or error).
TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1
The computer locks up, screens splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't
allow the user to accomplish anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.
FREUDIAN VIRUS
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs --
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
SEARS VIRUS
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply
and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts
money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive
shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a
bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... no new files!" on
the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional
Virus.
NEW YORK JETS VIRUS
Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense."
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews,
but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its
programmer will take it back.
O.J. VIRUS
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
BOUCHARD VIRUS
Attempts to remove the hard drive from your computer. If that doesn't work it
terminates and stays resident at public expense.
CANADA POST VIRUS
It would have infected you if it hadn't gotten lost transferring to your hard
disk.
HP MARKETING VIRUS
Attempts to make you belive that your 3000 is a 9000, then disappears.
--
James B. Byrne mailto:[log in to unmask]
Harte & Lyne Limited http://www.harte-lyne.ca
Hamilton, Ontario 905-561-1241
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