> GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
> world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the
> dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
> perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of
> soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
> long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of
> songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
> see are these green rectangles.
> ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites.
> They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to
> kill them and replace them with grass.
> GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
> butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
> temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
> that grass growing there?
> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and
> keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
poisoning
> any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
> GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
> fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
> cut
> it, sometimes twice a week.
> GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
> ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
> bags.
> GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
> ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
> GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
> grow.
> And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
> ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
> GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back
> on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
> saves them a lot of work.
> ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
> stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water
> it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
> GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
> sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
> the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they
> fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
> soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
> form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
> ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
a
> new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
piles
> and pay to have them hauled away.
> GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
> winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
> ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
> something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around
> in place of the leaves.
> GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
> ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
> GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
> you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
> tonight?
> ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about
...
> GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St.
Francis.
> 
> 
> 
> 
>

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