If you are considering visiting Phoenix, (Fe-niks) this winter, or any
time; here are some basic rules of the road to follow:

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "fe - niks." 

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own 
   version of traffic rules... the cars/truck with the loudest muffler
goes 
   next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after
that. 
   (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way
anytime.) 

3. To find anything in Phoenix it is required that you know where
Central 
   and Washington is... which is the Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and
the 
   End. 

4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is

   from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed 
   out and possibly shot. 

6. You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway, I-10" are the
same 
   road. 

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. The barrels are moved

   around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit
more 
   exciting. 

8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, 
   barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars,
truck 
   tires, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of
these 
   items. 

9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder 
   immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated". 

10.The minimum acceptable speed on "all freeways, I-10, I-17 & U. S. 60 
   (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy..
This is 
   Arizona's version of NASCAR. 

11.Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (it maybe a hazard to your 
   health) 

12.If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone ...
you 
   are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly. 

13.Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city
driving. 

14.If it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. 

Again we say, WELCOME TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA. Enjoy your stay 

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