> There once was a religious young woman who went to confession.
> Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have
> sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
> The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate
> love to
> me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said,
> "Squeeze
> seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
> The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
> The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!."
> --------------------------
> CONFESSIONAL
> An old man walks into a confessional.
> The following conversation ensues:
> Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
> children,
> grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two
> college
> girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of
> them three times.
> Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
> Man: What sins?
> Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
> Man: I'm Jewish
> Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
> Man: I'm telling everybody.!!!!
> _________________________
> BROTHEL TRIP
> An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
> young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
> asks
> how old he is.
> "I'm 90 years old," he says.
> "90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
> "Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"
> _____________________
> CALLER QUESTION
> The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a
> caller
> asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a
> virgin?"
> To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
> _____________________
> OLD FRED
> Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't
> look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for
> something to
> write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and
> Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies. The
> pastor
> thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he places it in
> his jacket pocket. At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his
> eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred
> died.
> "Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked
> at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it
> for
> us all."
> Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
> tube!"
>
> ______________________
> BEAUTIFUL
> A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife
> was sitting by his side.
> His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."
> Then he fell asleep again.
> His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.
> A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
> cute!"
> The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
> "cute."
> She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
> The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!
FW
* To join/leave the list, search archives, change list settings, *
* etc., please visit http://raven.utc.edu/archives/hp3000-l.html *
* To join/leave the list, search archives, change list settings, *
* etc., please visit http://raven.utc.edu/archives/hp3000-l.html *
|
