If Microsoft made lawnmowers

How to use your new Microsoft lawnmower:

1.      To start mower, push and hold the "Start" button for five seconds.
2.      If mower doesn't start, hold down the shift, neutral, and run buttons,
then push "Start" again.
3.      If mower still refuses to start, contact the company that made your lawn.

If Microsoft made rugs

How to use your new Microsoft rug:

1.      Lay the rug on the floor.
2.      To make it easier for you to tell the top of the rug from the bottom,
there are huge Microsoft Logos woven in every three inches of fabric. They
must face up.
3.      Before placing any furniture on this Microsoft rug, you must register
your rug by calling Microsoft or contacting us via email.
4.      Once your rug is registered, we will mail you a personalized "step on the
rug" code, which will allow you to use your rug. Each person who uses the
rug will need their own code.
5.      You will also need a special "Permissions Code" that will allow you to
download a list of approved furniture that may be placed on this rug.

Warning: Placing any furniture not approved by Microsoft on this rug voids
your warrantee and may cause your rug to act erratically.

If Microsoft made TV sets

A note from Microsoft:

"Congratulations on your purchase of a new Microsoft TV set!

"This is the most advanced TV set in the world. It never needs to be tuned!
The second you turn it on, it will find MSNBC and stay there for the life of
the set!

"Tuning any other channel is impossible, and that is why we are able to
offer you the easiest remote control in the world. It only has two buttons:
power and volume!

"We're Microsoft, so we know you don't need anything but what we offer you!"

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