Understanding Engineers - Take one

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


 Understanding Engineers - Take Two

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? "They're rather slow,
aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


 Understanding Engineers - Take three

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else
to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem
is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

 Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.


 Understanding Engineers - Take five

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."


 Understanding Engineers - Take six

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."


 Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If ! ! you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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