OK John,
You got to me.
I, too, have some pet peeves for bad boat DM's.
Because there are many DM's who can run a boat so well - most DM's we've
seen are very good - when it's not that way - I get "groused" as well.

When the DM says, "This dive will be 60 feet for 40 minutes."
I hear, "My girlfriend hinted she wanted me back early, so I'm going to rush
your surface interval."

DM says, "Everyone will be back on the boat with at least 500 PSI."
I hear," I'm concerned about your air, but not so concerned that I would put
a tank on the line at 3 meters - you are not worth that much of a hassle."

DM, " Everyone must stay with your guide."
Me, " I have really big fins, and we want you to burn your air really fast."
{See the first comment about the girlfriend.}

We, too, listen to every word from the DM's, then adjust *OUR* dive
appropriately.
I'm lucky, On most dives I bring along my DM wife. So, we are a buddy team
that can be left alone for the most part.
My line usually is that I'm very slow and like to take pictures without
disruptions. That usually eliminates speed and group concerns. I recommend
carrying a camera even if you don't take pictures.

What can happen is that we take a nice long dive on the first dive. Then the
DM wants to give us "great service" by switching our tanks for us. So, the
next dive, we find we've been switched from 80's to 72's. This really
happened on Maui last month.
We did a good first dive, but didn't really use all our air. We took what we
thought was a normal dive. The DM did switch our tanks. The next dive we
still got in first, had our dive, and got out last of two groups. The look
on the DM's face was priceless (and revealed that he was trying to get home
early). He said, "My God, how long did you get off of those tanks anyway?"
I said smiling, "I'm not sure, I don't think we used it all, though."
I should tell you that the second dive was a shallow dive on a "beginner"
boat - guided tours. We also did a little "octopus use practice." Vicky uses
almost no air. It was no great feat to take a long dive. It's just that they
weren't expecting it. The dolts.
In the end, I'm paying. I'm diving. It's my trip. If I'm not doing anything
stupid, I feel that I should be left to my own dive. From the boat's point
of view, liability is a big issue in the states. They are worried about
accidents and law suits. So they feel that they need to put up the most
conservative front. Too bad.

In Oz, the boats were much more open. They let you do your thing, mostly. I
think they would give suggested profiles, but if you are good diver and on
computer, they understood that you were responsible for your own dives.
I really liked that. I can remember only one spot where the boat people were
really snotty. {At times, Viv refers to a certain bitchy American running a
dive company out her way - it's that company.}

Here's a new one: Solo diving is becoming popular. Most boats hate this.
Some will accommodate it (if you have two air sources). Some won't. It
usually comes down to a good diver not having a good buddy available. Do
they have to be the guide for a week diver, or do they get to do there own
thing? For us, we usually invite the better diver to join us. It usually
works out OK to dive as a threesome.
Happy Labor Day,
John

My Nitrox wrote:
> Date: Sat, 1 Sep 2001 16:30:03 -0500
> From: John Nitrox <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Avuncular comments with some grousing (was Re: [SCUBA-SE] Knowing
> ascent rate etc.)
>
> Which brings me to some other grousing, whenever I hear a dive
> boat DM say to be back on the boat with 500 psi, I feel like asking if
> we're going to get a rebate on the unused gas. As long as I give them 200
> psi, I believe I've done my part to keep the inside of their tanks dry,
and
> if I want to spend a couple of extra minutes at the safety stop I figure
> that's my business. Remember who's getting the tip, and if the DM is
> suggesting something which puts your safety at risk you are perfectly
> justified in ignoring him or lying to him. If part of the DM's job is to
> go into the water with the divers, and the DM wants to prove he can swim
> faster than I can underwater, I let him do it without me; if he wants to
> prove he can go through a narrower swimthru than I can, I let him do it
> without me; if he wants to take a second deep dip down the wall, I let him
> do it without me; in fact, if he's doing anything other than finding
> fascinating fish and invertebrates he's in danger of becoming a s.o.b. As
> the Feeeesh says, "Know your limits and dive within them." Still, even if
> I think the DM is an idiot, I pay rapt attention to every pre-dive
briefing
> as well as everything the DM has to say about conditions and about the
> boat, from how to use the head to the procedure for getting out of the
> water. Oftentimes something even a arrogant, slow-witted DM says can save
> you some embarrassment if not more. Well, that's enough grousing for one
> post without my wearing an asbestos diveskin, (I just cut off three more
> paragraphs of complaints).
> John
>
> ------------------------------