HP3000-L Archives

November 2000, Week 2

HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU

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From:
"Emerson, Tom # El Monte" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Emerson, Tom # El Monte
Date:
Wed, 8 Nov 2000 17:20:18 -0500
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If I might venture a guess, it's stated in the passive voice and somewhat in
the "past tense".  Admittedly, capturing the emotion of the spoken voice
with nothing more than the written word is very difficult -- a favorite
example of mine is the start of the nursery rhyme "Mary had a little lamb".
Depending upon which word you emphasize, the meaning of the phrase can be
quite different.

MARY had a little lamb -- not Johnny, Sue, or Ella Mae

Mary HAD a little lamb -- then it ran away

Mary had A little lamb -- not an entire flock (herd?)

Mary had a LITTLE lamb -- not a big one

Mary had a little LAMB -- with mint jelly and mashed potatoes, it was quite
delicious

But getting back to the phrase in question, and I might be out on a limb
here, simply removing the sub-phrase "has been praised as" and replacing it
with the word "is" changes the phrasing from passive to active thus:

"A product that has been praised as one of the industry's most enduring
success stories"

"A product that is one of the industry's most enduring success stories"

going further (or sideways, perhaps) you might have said

"A product that REMAINS one of the industry's most enduring success stories,
despite fierce competition from the likes of IBM & Sun"

which still lets the speaker get a sense of the "past tense" into the
phrase, but still satisfies the rank and file... [but then, I'm not a
copywriter, so what do I know? :) ]

> -----Original Message-----
> From: MUELLER,COLLEEN (HP-USA,ex1) [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Wednesday, November 08, 2000 1:56 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: [HP3000-L] Hewlett-Packard Talks about the HP 3000
>
>
> With all due respect, "...a product that has been praised as
> one of the
> computer industry's most enduring success stories.", hardly sounds
> unenthusiastic or reluctant to me.  I sense a great deal of
> negativity no
> matter what we do, why is that?
> Sincerely,
> Colleen Mueller
> CSY Marketing
>

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