Gavin Answered my little post thusly:


Denys writes:
> You are not now a member of Interex?!?

Nor will I name names of those who are, Senator.

There is no need to be so formal.  However, let me point out that we already 
know the names of those who are.  It would be more interesting to find out who 
is not, and why!

> I have attended every one of them since San Antonio 1982 and since
> 1989, as a vendor.

   http://www.interex.org/inside/board.html

What a motley crew indeed.  I am the tall, good-looking one in the back.

> If you are not a member, add $200.  If you wish to become a member,
> it will cost you $195.

"What will you do with all the money you save?"

You just might be able to buy a beer to drown your sorrows at not being a 
member earlier.  However, in Gavin's case, he might want to take a cab and 
visit the pretzel museum in Philadelphia.  They even give you a free pretzel at 
the end of the tour according to the web site:
www.ushistory.org/tour/tour_pretzel.htm

> The registration cost is selectable.

But unfortunately not optional.
Au contraire, mon frêre!  You can certainly attend the vendor show for free!

> Another trick that we use is to fly to another airport that has
> cheaper flights.  In this case, we will probably fly into
> Baltimore (BWI) and drive up to Philly.

The secret here is that the East is a lot smaller than people there would
like you to think.  I once accidentally visited three States and the
District of Columbia on the drive from BWI to my Maryland hotel (it was
dark, ok?).
You should have tried turning on the headlights.  They have road signs on the 
East coast. I bet a lot of other drivers were surprised.

> Hotel:  I am sure there are several hotels near the convention
> center.

Certainly rooms are still available within the same time zone.
It depends, Indiana is not always in the same time zone, so do be careful.

> There are buses running between the different convention
> hotels and the convention center.  See if you can get a hotel
> near one of those hotels and hop on one of the buses.

I.e. the conference hotel and all participating hotels are already full.
No, I think there are still some rooms available however, Gavin should check 
make sure he has a room on the ground floor.  I doubt the elevators could lift 
his sarcasm. :)

> There are also two receptions (one on Sunday evening and one
> on Monday evening.)  So, if you got in on Saturday, you would
> need meals for Sunday (with perhaps just a small dinner after
> the receptions)

Actually the reception food has been pretty good in recent years.  Bring one of 
those foam takeaway food containers and stock up.
Is that why they run out of food so quickly at those events?  I will make sure 
I get there before Gavin does.

What's with this big deal about reimbursement for food while on business
trips anyway?  Don't you people eat out when you're not traveling?  I wonder if 
this is related to my continuing efforts to discover the intended use of that 
extra room in my house, the one with all the tile and the things that get 
dangerously hot if you turn them on?
Well, some people think that as soon as they leave town (or even the office) on 
business, they must be reimbursed for everything.  If it is not reimbursable, 
they just plain don't do it even if it's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

In an effort to help you identify the intended use of that extra room in your 
house, you might want to perform the following tests:

1- Is there a little metal door with a window in a wall or a cabinet?  There 
may be some funny round things called knobs above or to the side of the window. 
 If there are, you might try to turn some of those knobs, especially the ones 
with numbers on them. Then, open the door and see if you can discern the 
writing on the light bulb that may be way at the back.  Don't be afraid to 
crawl in and do take your time.  This object is called a wall safe.  Use it to 
place your valuables for safekeeping.  Things like cameras, laptops, your pet 
rock.  For extra security, turn the knob to the highest number possible, and 
nobody will want to steal any of the objects kept inside.
2- On one of the shelves alongside the wall, there might be a depression made 
out of metal or sometimes white ceramic.  In the middle of the depression, 
there may be a hole perhaps covered by a removable plug of some kind.  What you 
want to do here is to make sure the hole is well covered.  If it is not this 
may enable thieves to enter your house.  Next, you want to create was is called 
a moat, to further deter said thieves.  Above the depression, there is probably 
something hanging over it, like a toy crane without a cable.  Look for some 
sort of knob that you can turn, or lever that you can lift.  Do that and leave 
it in that position for exactly 27.2 hours.  If this room is above another 
room, then leave the knob or lever in the position described above for three 
times the amount of time above as there are floors below you.  You can write a 
program to help you compute that.
3- Next, look for a large object against a wall.  This object may be as tall as 
you are, perhaps even as wide as I am (check the picture to which you referred 
above) and it may have one, two or even three handles.  Most of the ones I have 
seen are either white or a shade of almond, though I have seen a silver one 
once.  When you open the door(s), a light comes on.  Please be careful, do not 
be tempted to find out if the light is on when the door is closed.  It is not 
important.  This is called a clothes dryer and it is most assuredly empty at 
the moment.  What you should do is place your clothes right out of the wash in 
the smallest of the compartments.  Don't wring the water out, just throw them 
in as is.  Leave them there for a few days, they will be very dry.  For extra 
usefulness, also place your shoes in there, especially if you have been caught 
in a rain storm.
4- There might be some counter space, you know the place where you dump the 
mail, your car keys and other sundry objects.  Now, on that counter somewhere, 
there may be an object that looks like a big breadbox with a window and some 
knobs or buttons.  No wait, you probably do not know what a bread box is. 
 Let's see here.  Ok, the object takes up room on the counter and looks like a 
15 inch television, except it has a door.  This object might also be in the 
wall, be careful not to confuse it with the item in 1 above.  This object is 
called a hair dryer.  Here is what you do.  First you might need to tune what 
is called the interlock mechanism.  Next. . .

If you have these objects in the room, then you know it's the master bedroom 
and that's where you should place your bed.  I can't help but wonder if you 
might be sleeping in the kitchen currently.

> Drinks:  Beyond the 2 receptions and the HP World 2000 party, you
> are on your own there.  Be aware that many vendors have hospitality
> suites during the conference.

Bring pictures of the NSA's computer facilities to wave at vendors as you
describe your plans to spend millions next year on whatever it is that the
vendor sells.
An excellent suggestion!  It also helps if you use a fancy title for yourself, 
like "Lead IT buyer" or "Director of IT purchases."

> Program:  Select in advance the presentations you want to see and
> also have an alternate.  You never know.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to speak in public.
Hear, hear!

> There are blocks of time dedicated to the vendor show, use them,

That's why they're dedicated.  You don't actually have a choice.
Wrong again.  You could go outside or run to the bar.  Wait, you can't do the 
latter one, it won't be reimbursed!

> So if a block does not have a session that appeals to you (hey,
> it can happen!), run to the vendor show.

But the vendor show can get tedious after a couple days of this.
That's why the vendor show is only three days! BTW, it sometimes takes the 
vendors three days to set up and one or more days to tear down and pack.  We 
won't talk about the tremendous effort and expense either.  Let's just mention 
the tedium.

> Do not be afraid to ask questions of the vendors.

Please do, most of the time we're bored out of our minds standing there.
You could always give demos of your products to other bored vendors, if you can 
find any other bored vendors.

> This is your big chance, the once a year HP conference.

Like we won't take your money the rest of the year.
Of course we would, but at this place you get to see all the people who would 
take your money year round.  However just to be safe, I would recommend 
bringing many signed blank purchase orders.

> Misc:  Use a big suitcase and leave room in it on the way in.
> You will collect a lot of literature and a few trinkets that
> you will take back.

Tell your boss that sometimes vendors give out laptops as "trinkets" and if
he lets you go you'll get one for him too.
Actually, last year we (Hicomp) gave away a laptop.  Just one.  I do not know 
if the young lady who won it gave it to her boss.

The most amazing trinket I have ever seen was a pizza cutter thing given out at 
a StorageTek show.  I would be interested in hearing of other bizarre of 
off-the-wall trinkets people have encountered.

Not to mention that spare set of towels for the guest bathroom.
Are you sure you have properly identified that room in your house.  If you are 
unsure, I have a few surefire tests for you to perform.  Remember the moat in 
the master bedroom?  Well, wait for this one. First you bring in a lot of sand 
and cement and dump it in the bathtub.  Then you turn the knob above the 
bathtub. . .

> Bring lots of business cards.

Those of people you hate are great for handing out at the vendor show.
Especially if they happen to be picked to win the two week all expenses paid 
trip to Bora Bora courtesy of Allegro.  Sorry, that was last year.

> Even though the badges are electronic and the vendors all have
> the card readers,

These card reader things are great.  They allow a vendor to instantly
collect all of your contact information so that they can follow up with you
and provide targeted mailings to people who are truly interested in their
products or services.

(Actually they'll just do a bulk mailing to everyone who registers for the
conference, and most salespeople can't figure out how to use the card
readers anyway, but it keeps the card reader rental companies employed).
I haven't met a salesperson who can't swipe a credit card.

> This list is a veritable who's who of this list

Truer words were never spoken.
It's called a tautology. I specialize in making these types of statements my 
specialty.

G. (just in a mood I guess :-)


Kind regards, and in a great mood, though still heavily jet-lagged.

Denys. . .

Denys Beauchemin
HICOMP
(800) 323-8863  (281) 288-7438         Fax: (281) 355-6879
denys at hicomp.com                             www.hicomp.com