On Fri, 16 Jun 2000, Jim Phillips wrote:

> A snail can sleep for three years.
>

I wish I was a snail!


> Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
>

Is that why I gained so much weight?

> Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood
> donors.
>

I wonder how many registered blood donors there are in Paraguay?  Not alot
I would venture!


> Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
>

No wonder!  Could you imagine the damage an elephant could do if he jumped
the wrong way?

> If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.  She would
> stand seven feet, two inches tall.

Well, so much for being anatomically correct!

>
> If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would
> never end because of the rate of reproduction.
>

You mean all of those poor women would have to keep walking while they had
their babies!  Where are Gloria Steinem and Molly Yard when you need them?

> If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced
> enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

I prefer to yell just once and have my wife heat the coffee for me!  (Just
kidding folks)

> Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never
> stop growing.

So Pinnochio was not really being dishonest?  He was just suffering from
accelerated aging?

> The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon
> of diesel that it burns.
>

So if we park all of the cruise liners, then maybe enough oil would be
saved to bring down gas prices?

> The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
>
Probably as a new form of anesthetic.  Would be hard to drill a tooth
while the juice is on, though!

> An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
>

My wife says the same thing about me sometimes!

> All polar bears are left handed.
>

I'll remember that the next time I try to shake hands with a polar bears.


> Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
>

Especially at sad movies!

> You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous
> spider.
>

Now I wonder how they studied that one?  Let's see, put 10 subjects into a
room with hot champagne bottles.  Shake the bottles until the corks pop
and count how many die.  Then put 10 people in a room with funnel web
and black widow spiders.  Shake up the spiders until they are really angry
and count how many people die.  What do they do for a control group?  Put
the spiders in the room with the champagne corks and see how many of them
die?

I think I am ready for the weekend!


Wendell E. Gragg                 Socorro Independent School District
HP Library Systems Specialist    El Paso Tx
[log in to unmask]

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^ Liberal:  One who believes that there was no art before federal funding^
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