In honor of and with apologies to Dr. Efaw, Sacco-Vincente Chair:



>>Teacher arrested
>>
>>NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
>>Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while
in
>>possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
>>calculator.
>>
>>At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said
>>He believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He
>>did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying
>>weapons of math instruction.
>>
>>"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions
by
>>means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
>>absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer
>>to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
>>common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
>>country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3
>>sides to every triangle'."
>>
>>When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
>>wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
>>given us more fingers and toes."
>>
>>White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
>>intelligent or profound statement by the president.

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