Good Tuesday Morning to All:

Rather than do individual e-mails, I thought I would send this one e-mail in response to my e-mail regarding my daughter, LaShunda’s first day as an intern.

First of all, I have to report that I was chastened by my daughter for my e-mail.  She sat me down and had a little talk with me, in which she explained the rules to me. 

“Mommy, I know you are a proud mom. But calm down. You cannot quote me in an e-mail over  Ravenland. Neither can you tell what I may or may not have told you in confidence! There are RULES we have to abide by as interns. You of all people should know better!”

Then she took away my e-mail privileges, and required that this e-mail be approved by her first before it is released into Ravenland! So this is my final e-mail regarding her internship.

She was right, I should not have done this! I am sorry LaShunda, but I was having a “mommy moment” and lost my sense of reasoning! I promise to do better in this e-mail, and to strictly adhere to the RULES! “Mums” the word now for this “mom.”

From her chastening of me, which was rightfully so, I realized that my baby was or I should say has grown up on me! It seems that it was just yesterday that I was the “mom”, and she was the “daughter”.   Now through her maturity, there has been to some degree a role reversal indeed.  With that realization, I savored the moments when she was in the process of becoming the young lady she is today, and I was the “mom” and not the “child”. One memory in particular came to mind.

It was a little over a year after my husband’s death.  I always kept LaShunda with me. Regardless of where I went, she went! If she was not allowed, I didn’t go!  This included my business on Capitol Hill.  On this occasion, I had a meeting with Senator Arlene Spector.  Dressed in her patriotic/business red, white and blue attire, with her little briefcase, she accompanied me to the meeting.  She was just turning five, but I made a habit of pre-briefing her before each meeting, and giving her a meeting assignment.  At this meeting, she was to listen carefully, take notes, and brief me on how the meeting went, before we went to our next meeting.  

I remember this little precocious child, walking into the meeting, opening her little plastic briefcase, taking out her note pad (as well as everything else in her briefcase including her calculator), sitting down, and crossing her legs, as she proceeded to take notes. After a few minutes into the meeting, she interrupted by clearing her throat and said, “Excuse me. Senator Spector, could you please give me the correct spelling of your name?” 

If you know Arlene and his stoic nature, you would appreciate the look on his face as he spelled out his name! This was the first time I ever had seen him smile. Usually his smile on a good day, looks more like he is in agony and pain. But as he gave her the correct spelling of his name, she retorted, “Thank you sir. I needed this so that I can take accurate notes, and brief my mother after the meeting.” 

This caused him to give away to laughter. As if that was not enough, on the way out, she thanked everyone for accommodating the meeting, and told them to keep up the good work, and to have a great day on Capitol Hill!  Senator Spector’s staff stood there amazed. But this was how LaShunda had been taught by both her father and me. We seized every opportunity as a learning tool and experience to teach her academic, as well as practical and life lessons. As a parent, you never know if what you are doing with your child is right. Now seeing her interning, and with her chastening of me, this gave me some notion that some of it at least paid off.

[Since I am not supposed to talk about her internship, I guess I will have to wait until it is officially announced that she was placed in one of the three top leadership positions to intern. I cannot say who or where, but I can say how much I miss her! Since that is not against the RULES!]  

I cannot begin to count the ways how I miss her!!! With her away in Nashville, I have no one to “dress-assist” me in the morning after I get to UTC. Oh say, I can’t see, by the dawn’s early light, because I could swear each morning that blue looks like black, and black like blue!  [Is there anyone else out there who is having this problem? PLEASE say yes!] So I do most earnestly beg your indulgence and sympathy when I come out now a days, with a black dress and blue shoes! I declare they both look the same in the dawn’s early light!  But do be kind and gentle with me, as you take notice of my less than perfect color coordination.  Keep in mind, because I am suffering from an acute case of “age denial”,  I am very sensitive to that which is failing (namely the eyes) as a result of what some would associate with “age appreciation”.

WOW! I also was very moved by all of the e-mails, notes and remarks in response to LaShunda’s first day as an intern.  Some even came from faculty and staff of whom until now, I have not had the pleasure to meet. Others came from those who know her or me. They were so kindly complimentary and expressed such warm, well wishes for her.  I am humbled.  

I am especially appreciative and humbled with the kind words regarding my mothering. However to not give credit where credit is due, I would be remised. You see, I did have help in raising her.

When LaShunda’s dad suddenly passed away, just a few months before she turned four, it seemed so hard.  Each time I looked at this full of energy, beautiful, little smart and precocious child, who now at age three and a half was without her dad, I felt a hollowed place within my heart that I cannot describe. No words can detail the grief that comes when you lose a “good” husband, a “good” father, as well as a “good” man – especially at a young age. Her father was such a loving and great person – a man fully committed to his family and even to others. To him, LaShunda was his Little Princess and I was his Queen (and of course he was our King). We certainly were blessed, even if death took him away from us much too soon.  After Bobby’s death,  I knew I could not be a father to her.  I only knew how to be a mother, and I was determined to be the best of moms.  It was not easy, and many days I felt overwhelmed by the grief, as well as the load of now being the head of my household.  But I found comfort one day as I sat so broken – fragmented beyond human comprehension, and God said, “Stop worrying. LaShunda will be just fine, because I now will be her Father.” 

I have seen God keep his promise to be a father to her throughout her life. I saw this when she learned to drive.  I bought her a little cheap used Mercedes, before getting her the car she now has, which I knew or thought she would bang up as she learned to drive.  I got her in the car, showed her where everything was, and basically talked rather than showed her what to do.  As I sat there, I fought back the tears as I thought, “if Bobby was here, he would be the one who would be teaching her how to drive.” 

No sooner than the thought came to my mind, and missing him even after being gone for all those years, God said, “I AM here and I AM her father. This is my job and not yours. Get out of the car and give her the keys!”

I did just that. I gave her the keys, got out of the car, and went into my office, leaving her alone with the car. I never even looked back.  But I could hear her as she got under the steering wheel and began to drive off! From that day on, LaShunda drove! It was only for the purposes of getting a better deal on my insurance that she went to Hamam.  When she took the driving class, the instructor never really had to teach her anything!  He basically let her drive around, as he was delighted by her conversations.  When she went to complete her last lesson, which was in lure of taking the driving test, he never took her for the drive. He just said to me, “You have a wonderful daughter. You have certainly done a great job with her and have something to be proud of.  I have enjoyed her.”

Then he told me that it would only take a minute for him to complete the paper work for her to take over to get her license. At first I wanted to ask this man why had I paid all of  this money for him to drive around with her enjoying her company instead of teaching her to drive! Again, God said, “You are the one who sent her here for insurance purposes. But I AM her Father, and only I can teach her how to drive.”

The same happened as she drove for the first time to Nashville, OVER MT. EAGLE! I was on pins and needles until her Heavenly Father again assured me she would be just fine.  When we got to Nashville, she jumped out of the car, excited and without any fear.  This weekend, she drove home alone! Yes! DOWN MT. EAGLE!

It is stories like this that have filled my widowhood with an appreciation for who LaShunda is, and is to become, that compel me to share that I am not the only one who should be congratulated on her successes. So if she is who most of you have said she is, then I cannot take credit which is also due God.   

I also have to recognize and acknowledge that there have been others who have deposited good things within her life, of which I am also grateful.  Many of those who have done this, are at UTC.   

Yes, I have dared to go there and to do the forbidden “God” thing that everyone these days tip around as if it is a bad thing. Perhaps this is because religion unpracticed, is religion gone wrong that leaves many leery of those who say they know God, yet never display His true attributes. I too agree that under those circumstance, I also shun religion.  Instead I seek just to know God to the deepest and most intimate and infinite heights, depths, breaths and widths, and to acquire the very essence of the nature and character of God.  A God who is – loving, compassionate, caring, sharing, wise, patient, kind, and one who sets standards and provides direction and council for practical everyday life.  

I know sometimes as educators, as we have acquired academic knowledge, we have become so intelligent and intellectual that we deny that there is any other God other than ourselves!  That may be okay for those who choose that route.  But as for mine and me, there is no denying of the crucial and invaluable place God has in LaShunda’s and my life.  Because of this, I have been able to weather the worst of storms, get through the darkest of nights, face some of the hardest days, walk through the deepest valleys, and accomplish the most impossible feats.  Because of God, I have had help in raising my daughter, and have seen her have wisdom beyond her years, coupled with compassion and a love for people, as well as a desire to accomplish her ordained and divine purpose.  That is the basis for her being who she is! So, please forgive me if this e-mail offends anyone who does not do the “God thing”.  

Also to those who may be offended that I should share this with a list with diverse religious beliefs, I can only say that by whatever name, means or religion you know God, when we are faced with life’s challenges, it is good to have something greater than ourselves when we finally come to the reality that there is a need for a power higher than one’s self in order to weather the storms.   

Thanks for allowing me to share my final e-mail with you. 

BTW:  I am also so very proud of our other two interns Eric and Tiffany, who are also interning in Nashville, and wish them the best!  

I guess I also should add the following political tag: This message has been approved (this time) by LaShunda Hill! 

Dr. Jean Howard-Hill
Political Science Department
419 Fletcher Hall
Chattanooga, Tennessee 37403
423-425-5702

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