Thought those of you who enjoy a smile might like this.

Disclaimer:  I am from Mississippi, and believe the following to be
accurate.  However, I do not know the source or authors of the file, so no
credit is claimed, but no warranty expressed or implied.... ;-)

Claire McCullough

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True Southerners

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption and that you don't "have" them, but "pitch" them.

Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc., make up a mess.

A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in "Going to
town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of
cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin'.)

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece." They know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck,
a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.

True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used both as a noun, verb and
adverb.

A true Southerner knows how to understand Southern: a booger can be a
resident of the nose, a descriptive noun ("That ol' booger!") or something
that jumps out at you in the dark and scares the bejezus out of you.

True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do
"lines." We stand IN them, not ON them. And when we're in line, we talk to
everybody.

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried
green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need
for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened; "sweet milk"
means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 on the highway - you say, "Bless her heart" and go your
way.