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> > > > > >  Hot off the wires:
> >> > > >  ----------------
> >> > > >  At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
> >> > > > discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to
> >> > > > board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
> >> > > > setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
> >> > > > said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
> >> > > > movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
> >> > > > math instruction.
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire
> >> > > > average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
> >> > > > tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code
names
> >> > > > like "x" and "y" and refer to  themselves as "unknowns", but we
> >> > > > have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis
of medieval with
> >> > > > coordinates in every country.
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
> >> > > > sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God
> >> > > > had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would
> >> > > > have given us more fingers and toes.
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it
> >> > > > is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing
> >> > > > to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians
> >> > > > love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the
President
> >> > > > said,
> >> > > > adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their
> >>>>>>>root,make our point, and draw the line."
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have
> >> > > > the
> >> > >
> >> >; > potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never
> >> > > > before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and
begin
> >> > > > to factor-in random facts of vertex."
> >> > > >
> >> > > >  Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say,
> >> > > > read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of:
> >> > > > though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the
> >> > > > hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
> >> > > >
> >
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