Having been "outed" yesterday by Verbie Prevost at the Faculty Meeting
yesterday as a whiner, I want to share my tragic experience with you in
hope that you will avoid this all-too-common danger that stalks the halls
of our university. Mine is a cautionary tale and warning to all.

I do not remember when it started, perhaps when I was a kid in the
backseat: "are we there yet?" At any rate, it seemed like everyone else was
doing it, over a beer at the bar, around the water cooler, in darkened
hallways. Before long, I was whining before noon, and then it consumed me,
destroying a marriage and alienating my children. After a while, happy
people avoided me, my only companions were fellow whiners, until I hit rock
bottom, winding up in the gutter one night, totally spent from binge whining.

Then I found out about Bill and his twelve-step program. He offered hope,
salvation from the powerful addiction to whining. I begin attending Whiners
Anonymous (WA) meetings, sharing my sad tale with other recovering whiners.
We sang "Home on the Range" a lot, and the "never was heard a discouraging
word" line still brings tears to my eyes. Yes, it has not been easy, but
the twelve steps taught me to take one day at a time, to accept what I
cannot change without whining, and to change into a happy, nice person.

I learned that the WA program has also helped others: Complainers Anonymous
(CA), Grumblers Anonymous (GA) and even BA (guess) has provided help and
support for those afflicted with those addictions. Pollyanna House offers a
range of services including residential programs for intensive therapy,
supported in part by your generous contributions to United Way. Thank you, UTC!

Remember, this is as good as it gets. Stop whining and smile your troubles
away!  Be happy!

If you have an urge to whine, please call me or 1-800-WHINERS. Help is
available!

Richard Rice
Senate President and (sadly)
Recovering Whiner