URGENT MESSAGE FROM SANTA:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve the States of Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Virginia, North and South
Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas,Oklahoma
and Arkansas
on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by the North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk
and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your
children
will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my
third
cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He
shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These
toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a Moon Pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty
spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying' Red bone coon
dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him one of my
reindeer a long time ago, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on
Elliott and Petty, on Gordon and Martin."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heeer'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off".

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents
under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
Yee-Haw Y'all !!


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