Happy Monday!


 THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY 
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My tire was thumping. 
I thought it was flat 
When I looked at the tire... 
I noticed your cat. 
Sorry! 
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Heard your wife left you, 
How upset you must be. 
But don't fret about it... 
She moved in with me. 
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Looking back over the years 
that we've been together, 
I can't help but wonder.. 
"What the hell was I thinking?" 
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Congratulations on your wedding day! 
Too bad no one likes your husband. 
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How could two people as beautiful as you 
Have such an ugly baby? 
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I 've always wanted to have 
someone to hold, 
someone to love 
After having met you .. 
I've changed my mind. 
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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. 
I never believed in Hell until I met you. 
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A s the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... 
That you're not here to ruin it for me. 
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Congratulations on your promotion. 
Before you go... 
Would you like to take this knife out of my back? 
You'll probably need it again. 
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! 
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) 
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age. 
Almost Lifelike! 
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When we were together, 
you always said you'd die for me. 
Now that we've broken up, 
I think it's time you kept your promise. 
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We have been friends for a very long time .. 
let's say we stop? 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
I 'm so miserable without you 
it's almost like you're here. 
===================================================== 
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. 
Did you ever find out who the father was? 
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Y our friends and I wanted to do 
something special for your birthday 
So we're having you put to sleep. 
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 
So your daughter's a hooker, 
and it spoiled your day. 
Look at the bright side, 
it's really good pay. 

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