Mike Church writes:

> AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 18) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed
>  suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his
>  list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate
injunction
>  against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his
>  traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one
>  additional time before packing his sleigh.
>
>  The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a
>  federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive
>  and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as
>  submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary
>  modification."

<remainder snipped>

Well, as long we're engaging in this kind of thing, I got the following last
night from a Swedish ecologist who I first met when he was at Princeton but
who is now in Papua New Guinea doing field work for the United Nations
Development Programme. If nothing else, jokes are world-wide with the rise of
the internet, no matter where you are nowadays.

=========================================

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT

Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one
nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule
last  night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House
to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this
morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell
not going to lay back and let Bush get away with this bullshit."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote
count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO
know  exactly who  voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore
won Florida by exactly  20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida
to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is
analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
strategist  Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S.
Presidential  Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against
the constitution of  the state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises
ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what Imean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida
precinct,  explained that bad balloting machinery and voter
confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin'
idiot." "Look, only  612 people in Palm Beach County voted for
Buchanan. Get real! The rest  meant to vote for Gore. Don't
believe me? I'll name them: Anderson,  Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.;
Arthur, James;  Barnhardt, Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George
W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially
smite  him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since
the Book of Job,  God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock,
stripped him of his  wealth and possessions, sold his family into
slavery, forced the former  presidential candidate into hard
labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.

==========================================

Wirt Atmar