And now for the lighter side of things.  Hope everyone enjoys this as much
as I did.
 
>
>If IBM made toasters...
>  They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
>  submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide
>  market for five, maybe six toasters.
>
>If Xerox made toasters...
>  You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
>  Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
>  The toaster would jam your bread for you.
>
>If Radio Shack made toasters...
>  The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
>  it.  Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
>
>If University of Waterloo made toasters...
>  They would immediately spin off a company called WatToast.
>
>If ParcPlace made toasters...
>  Their OO building block system would be called EGGO.
>
>If Oracle made toasters...
>  They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
>  styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
>  Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
>  years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
>  smoke.
>
>If Sun made toasters...
>  The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa
>  Java.
>
>Does DEC still make toasters?...
>  They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
>
>If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
>  They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast
>  and gives you regular bread.
>
>If Tandem made toasters...
>  You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the
>  toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
>
>If Thinking Machines made toasters...
>  You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
>
>If Cray made toasters...
>  They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
>  single-slice toaster in the world.
>
>If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
>  It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
>  Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it.  Their
>  service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
>  blueprints for the box would be highly classified government
>  documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
>
>If the NSA made toasters...
>  Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could
>  access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
>  national security.
>
>If Sony made toasters...
>  The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece
>  of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to
>  your belt.
>
>If Timex made toasters...
>  They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that
>  take a licking and keep on toasting.
>
>If Fisher Price made toasters...
>  "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to
>  toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
>
>If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
>  Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece
>  of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
>
>If CostCo made toasters...
>  They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
>
>And, of course:
>
>If Microsoft made toasters...
>  Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
>  toaster.  You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
>  have to pay for it anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds
>  (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
>  electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in
>  your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you
>  control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
>  secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made
>  them.  Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless
>  would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their
>  toasters.
>
>If Apple made toasters...
>  It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
>  earlier.
>
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Judith S. Fisher                          Voice : (310) 820-7191
FDF Enterprises                           Fax   : (310) 826-1615
11656 Montana Ave, Suite 102              E-mail: [log in to unmask]
Los Angeles, CA 90049
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