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June 2003, Week 4

HP3000-L@RAVEN.UTC.EDU

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From:
Larry Barnes <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Larry Barnes <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 25 Jun 2003 14:44:44 -0400
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I personally like #8-#10


 1.  Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much - he became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain! during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,  the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?"
they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said," I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal " The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, ! so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was

unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went  back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist  hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that... (are you ready) ...Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent  florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad
breath. This made ! him.... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ......A
super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did

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