The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

        FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
       8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
        ----------------------------------
        FREE PUPPIES:
       ½ COCKER SPANIEL -
        ½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
      ------------------------------
     FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
        ------------------------------
        GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
       NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
     -------------------------------------
    FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE..
      ----------------------------
      1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB-
      $850/offer
      ----------------------------
       AMANA WASHER $100.
       OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED
        ------------------------------
    SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
    ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
      -------------------------------
       2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
      1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
        ------------------------------
        COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
        ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
        ---------------------------------
        NORDIC TRACK $300
       HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
     -------------------------------------
        SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
        --------------------------------------
       HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
       "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
       ----------------------------------------
        GET A LITTLE JOHN:
        THE TRAVELING URINAL THAT HOLDS 2&1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
        -------------------------------------------
       HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
        -----------------------------------------
     GEORGIA PEACHES
     CALIFORNIA GROWN -  89 cents lb.
       ------------------------------------------
       NICE PARACHUTE:
       NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
        ------------------------------------------
        FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
        ------------------------------------------
        AMERICAN FLAG
        60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED     $100
      -------------------------------------------
      TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
       WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
       STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
        ---------------------------------------------
        EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
       QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
        ---------------------------------------------
       OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
       AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
        ---------------------------------------------
        JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
        MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
        ---------------------------------------------
       LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
        ---------------------------------------------
       GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
        ----------------------------------
        OPEN HOUSE
        BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
        FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
     --------------------------------------
        FOR SALE BY OWNER
        Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
       Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
       Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.