Forwarded from deep within the bowels of HP:
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THE DAY THAT THE HP WAY DIED
Sung to the melody of American Pie
With apologies to Don McLean
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A long, long time ago
I can still remember how computing
used to be worthwhile.
And I knew from the day I was born
that I could make that code perform
and maybe I could do it with some style.
But last September made me shudder,
with every 'nouncement Carly uttered.
Bad news in my In-tray,
I couldn't take one more day.
I can't remember if I sighed when I
read about our latest stride,
something cut me deep inside,
the day the HPWay died.
So
<Chorus>
Purge, purge, Ms. Technology Scourge,
Drove my Beetle to the Needle,
Now my job's on the verge.
Them Compaq boys were
drinking Starbuck's and Surge
singing "This'll be the day that we merge,
This'll be the day that we merge."
Did you write the Book of DOS
And do you believe an albatross
Can really save our company?
Now do you believe in buying time?
Can Compaq save our bottom line?
And can you teach me how write a resume?
Well, I know you hatched that plot with him
'Cause I saw you climb out on that limb.
You both threw down your stock
'Cause you thought this deal was a lock.
I was a middle-aged computer geek
With a second mortgage that I closed last week
But I knew Sun was worth a peek
The day the HPWay died.
I started singing
<Chorus>
Now for some time we've been on our own
Since Bill and Dave left us alone
But it's not how it used to be.
When the managers still walked around
And talked to people who touched the ground
They could hear ideas from you and me.
But now when the Queen is looking down
The worker bees just fly around
The boardroom is reserved
No progress is observed.
And while Carly read a book on Dell
The stock price slowly went to hell
And we tried so hard not to sell
The day the HPWay died.
We were singing
<Chorus>
Arbitrage, arbitrage in the garage
Employees fleeing from the barrage
Of all the spin on HPNow.
Green cards, white cards flying around,
Shareholders want good reasons found
With employees on the sidelines tied and bound.
Now the meeting air was full of gloom
While the board played their tired old tune.
We all got up to vote
Oh, but they said we rocked the boat.
Then when Walter tried to make his speech,
Carly told him to "just go teach"
Do the by-laws allow impeach?
The day the HPWay died.
<Chorus>
They say we were in a shipwreck
A generation mired in Tech
Lethargic and pedestrian.
So come on everybody let's just grow
We'll be as big as IBM you know
'Cause size is the CEO's great plan.
Oh, and as they watched her on the stage,
They all began to see a sage
Everyone in The Flint
Was finally taking the hint.
And as the white cards flew into her sight
The crowd could finally "see the light"
I saw Carly smiling with delight
The day the HPWay died.
I was singing
<Chorus>
I met a girl who looked amused
And I asked her what PC she used
She just smiled and said "Gateway."
I went down to the comp'ny store
Where I'd bought HP shirts years before
But the man there said he's out of "HP Way."
And in our cubes we reminisced
Of ways of business that were dissed
But not a word was spoken
All of our hearts were broken.
And the two men I admired best
Bill and Dave were not at rest
The new guys did not pass the test
The day the HPWay died.
<Chorus>
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