A little humor to start the week.

A contest was held for people to submit their
theories on ANY subject.
Below are the winners:

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory) If
an infinite number of
rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup
trucks fire an
infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite
number of highway
signs, they will eventually produce all the
world's great literary
works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics) Why
Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This
pressure change outside
your eardrums unbalances other people's ear
pressures, so they then yawn
to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)
Communist China is
technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and
therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
technical ideas at a
faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics) The
earth may spin faster on
its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure
skater's rate of spin
increases when the arms are brought in close to
the body, the cutting of
tall trees may cause our planet to spin
dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics) The
quantity of consonants in the
English language is constant. If omitted in one
place, they turn up in
another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the
lost R's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in
"erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)
When a cat is dropped, it
always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands
buttered side down. It was proposed to strap
giant slabs of hot buttered
toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats;
the two opposing forces will
cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above
the ground. Using the giant
buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail
could easily link New York
with Chicago.
Bob Schlosser
(321) 722-9320