This ought to keep you propriety fanatics (who, me?) out of trouble for a
while; sorry for slightly improper credits, but I received it via email as
is; enjoy...


A Singular Curiosity Of English
By Miles Kington


As people leaving school have such a shaky grasp of English, I am starting
an occasional series of English grammar. And I would like to kick off with
one of the commonest grammatical dicta in English: that you form the plural
of a noun by adding -s.

Nothing could be further from the truth. In English any letter can be used
to form the plural. The letter -s is, in fact, more commonly used to form
the singular. Look at my opening paragraph. There are two words in the
plural (people, dicta) and neither ends in -s. There is one noun ending -s
(series) but it is singular.

And yet our children are taught that the plural is formed with -s! A quick
tour of the alphabet will tell a different story.

A. A plural formed in -a is normally literary or commercial, e.g. curricula,
data, incunabula, media, strata, etc. (Never forget that etc. stands for "et
cetera." Cetera is a plural noun. Does it end in -s? I think not).

B. A plural mostly used of fish as in: "The chubb are not biting today. But
the plural of yob is "mob," a rare example of the first letter changing.

C. The plural of "man waiting to be separated from his money" is "public."

D. The plural of blind is "blind": "In the country of the blind, the
one-eyed man is king." The plural of John Pilger, Harold Pinter or John
Mortimer ends in -d.: "We, the undersigned." The plural of churchmen is
synod, of director is board.

E. The plural of cow ends in -e: "cattle." Committee, league, electorate all
end in -e. They all mean "cattle," too.

F. "In the land of the deaf, the one-eared man is king."

G. Everyone ends with -g, according to a lawyer, as in "the foregoing."
Unless they end in -d ("the aforementioned").

H. The plural of clergyman is church, of magistrate is bench.

I. Almost every plural in classical music ends in -i, such as concerti,
tutti, soli, celli, etc. The plural of critic is castrati. The plural of
listener is hoi polloi.

J. This letter is used as a plural ending for foreigners in vast quantity.
In India a "raj," in Arabia a "haj," etc.

K. As you might expect, no plural form of "cow" ends in -s. E.g. cattle,
kine, herd and, in -k, bloodstock. Jesus often formed his plural in -k: "The
meek shall inherit the earth." (See also the sick, lame, little children,
etc.)

L. British Rail are a shining example of a plural in -l. It used to be
British Railways, but they soon saw the error of their way and dropped
the -s ending. And another -- British Telecom.

M. Seraphim and cherubim provide more Biblical backing here.

N. Perhaps the oldest and nicest plural in English, as in men, women, oxen,
children, brethren and the Opposition.

O. There is only one plural ending in -o. On the other hand, it is all
inclusive -- "ditto."

P. The plural of pop singer is "group."

Q. All right, I can't find a plural ending in -q. But I can't find a
singular either.

R. The plural of socialist is Labour, as in "Labour have a four-point
lead..."

T. A very popular political ending, -t. The plural of commissar is
commissariat, of secretary, secretariat, etc. Also government, Cabinet,
management.

U. Every Welsh plural seems to end in -u, certainly none in -s. Good for
them. Also the plural of gnu is not gnus, as you might be led to believe,
but gun. This is to avoid jokes like "No gnus are good gnus," "Here are the
gnus," etc.

V. The plural of cross-reference is "qqv."

W. "Few" is the small plural of one.

X. A popular plural for many a county-dweller, as in Middlesex, Sussex,
Wessex, Essex. So we say, "Essex are champions again," not "Essex is
champion again."

Y. Ditto for the country dweller. The plural of a German is Germany, and so
on. The plural of song, oddly, is medley if pop, and lieder if classical.

Z. The plural of ounce is "oz".

It only remains to stress that -s is a singular ending. Trousers, pants,
jeans, scissors -- all purport to be plural but each is a singular object. A
"spectacle" is all you can see, but "spectacles" is one small thing on your
nose.

Having an -s on the end is such a sign of the singular that it debars many a
work from even having a plural -- quietus, nous, chaos, animus, hiatus...

As a final clincher, look at any English verb. He works, they work. Which is
plural? Which has the -s ending? I thank you.




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