New Official Language 

The New California Governor has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the state, rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
Terminator's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Austro-English" (or, perhaps even better, "Austrionics".) In
the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour
of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one
less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis
mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl. 

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