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Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India*


/By Jay Slupesky/


Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to
cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced
today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring
lawmaking operations to a legislative  support center in Bangalore,
India.  "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an
impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, "the
American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those
ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs  by
over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save on
health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian
replacements will be paid  approximately $250 per month.  The outcry from
the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift.Ex-California
Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous. How can a
bunch of replacements over in India run
  Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As
she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S.
Capitol Police officers,Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated
lawmakers were only given 10 minutes to clean out their desks and leave the
building. "I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney,
speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed
up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't give the President
everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more
cooperative to the President, which is what we all want." Asked whether the
outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the
Supreme Court to decide,but they never pay much attention to the
constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will be
different every day.  The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the
attention they are receiving. Speaking from the office!
s of
  All-India Legislative Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi
Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are
very hard working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and
Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we have
$2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!



--
Tom Brandt
Northtech Systems, Inc.
130 S. 1st Street, Suite 220
Ann Arbor, MI 48104-1343
http://www.northtech.com/

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