"Somebody named Paul O'Neill wrote the following (with apologies to W.S.
Gilbert) and posted it at rec.music.opera.

"I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality I intersperse obscenity
with tedious banality. Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and
ghosted to, On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is
cross-posted to.

Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling, And
you're the one who pays the bill downloading all my drivelling. My
enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you For thinking me a
dickhead after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it). I wouldn't
know a valid point if I was introduced to it. My learning is extensive
but consists of mindless trivia, Designed to fan my ego, which is larger
than Bolivia.

The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery, Are
really just an exercise in unremitting trollery. I say I'm frank and
forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity, The gibberings of one
who's at the limit of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to; If only mum could
find a circus freak-show she could sell me to; If I go off to Zanzibar
to paint the local scenery; If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with
machinery;

If I survive to forty, which is somewhat problematical; If what I post
was more mature, or slightly more grammatical; If I could learn to spell
a bit, and maybe even punctuate; Would I still be the loathsome and
objectionable prat you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It's simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace. To stick me
in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity Would be a fitting punishment
for my egocentricity.

I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality, That's all from
me, the model of a Newsgroup Personality"
--
Alan Yeo
[log in to unmask]    Just because you're paranoid
Phone +44 1684 291710   it doesn't mean someone isn't!.
Fax   +44 1684 291712

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