Subject: Fwd: FW: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 13:09:34 -0800 (PST)
> Subject: FW: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 10:33:29 -0400
>
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America.
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of
> the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
> revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchial duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other
> territories.  Except Utah,
> which
> she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The
> rt. hon. Tony Blair,
> MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
> unaware that there is a
> world outside your borders) will appoint a minister
> for America without
> the
> need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate
> will be disbanded.
> A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of
> you
> noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown
> Dependency, the following
> rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
> English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation
> guide.  You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
> it.  Generally, you
> should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
> Look up
> "vocabulary".  Using the same twenty seven words
> interspersed with
> filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
> unacceptable and
> inefficient form of communication.
>
> Look up "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will
> let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
> English actors as the
> good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem,
> "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> We would not want you
> to get confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football".
> There is only one kind
> of football.  What you refer to as American
> "football" is "not a very
> good game". The 2.15% of you who are aware that
> there is a world outside
> your borders may have noticed that no one else plays
> "American"
> football.  You will no longer be allowed to play it,
> and should instead
> play proper football. Initially, it would be best if
> you played with the
> girls.  It is a difficult game.  Those of you brave
> enough will, in
> time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to
> American "football",
> but does not involve stopping for a rest every
> twenty seconds or wearing
> full kevlar body armour like nancies).  We are
> hoping to get together at
> least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France,
> using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were
> not aware that
> there is a world outside your borders should count
> yourselves lucky.
> The Russians have never been the bad guys.
>
> "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November
> 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England.  It will be
> called "Indecisive
> Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are
> crap and it is for
> your own good.  When we show you German cars, you
> will understand what
> we mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been
> driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>
>