YEAR 2035 HEADLINES
 
 
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 
Seventh largest country in the world, California.
 
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.
 
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops &
livestock.
 
Porsche announces that it will dissolve its committee considering
entry into NASCAR truck racing after thirty years of study.
 
Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
 
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
 
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 
ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. 
 
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but Pres Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
 
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 
and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
 
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
 
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
 
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.
 
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of clones and mutants.
 
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
 
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of 
Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
 
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, 
fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by 
January 2036.
 
Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political 
Contributions to campaign accounts.
 
Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.
 
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
 

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