In a Tokyo Hotel: "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not
a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."
 
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During
that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
 
In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit
up."
 
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To more the cabin, push button for wishing
floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number
of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."
 
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
 
In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
 
In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job
of the chambermaid."
 
In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
 
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You
are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
 
In an Austrian hotel catering for skiers: "Not to perambulate the corridors
in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
 
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
 
On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup
with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
 
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
 
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."
 
Outside a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking."
 
In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation."
 
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts
by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over
the past two years."
 
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: "It is strictly forbidden on our
black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and
women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for
that purpose."
 
In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose."
 
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists."
 
In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time."
 
In a Czech tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours- we
guarantee no miscarriages."
 
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: "Would you like to ride on your
own ass?"
 
In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
dressed as a man."
 
In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
 
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in
all directions."
 
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR,
you are welcome to it."
 
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "ladies are requested not to have children in
the bar."
 
In a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty."
 
In the office of a Romanian doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
 
In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served
here."
 
In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run."
 
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
"Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself."
 
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave
in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still
obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
 
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "- English well talking." "- Here
speeching American."