"Shahan, Ray" <[log in to unmask]> wrote in message

Here is a series on changing Light Bulb



 Q:  How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change
    a light bulb?

 A:  1,331:

        1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that
          the light bulb has been changed

       14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how
          the light bulb could have been changed differently

        7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

       27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing
          light bulbs

       53 to flame the spell checkers

      156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light
          bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list

       41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames

      109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please
          take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb

      203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
          alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped

      111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use
          light bulbs and these posts **are** relevant to this list

      306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior,
          where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs
          work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty

       27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different bulbs

       14 to post URLs that were posted incorrectly and post corrected URLs

        3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
          this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list

       33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including
          all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too"

       12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they
          cannot handle the light bulb controversy

       19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three"

        4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

        1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup

       47 to say this is just what alt.physics.cold_fusion was meant for,
          leave it here

      143 votes for alt.lite.bulb


   Q:  How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
   A:  One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for
       him as it would be for a Macintosh user.

   Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A1: How many can you afford?
   A2: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and
       the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby
       and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second
       part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a
       result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the
       lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging
       from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an
       area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning
       of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the
       party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
       aforementioned agreement between the parties.  The aforementioned
       removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
       following steps:
           1) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
               elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool,
               ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of
               the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the
               second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,
               this point being non-negotiable.
           2) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
               (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third
               part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer)
               shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
               second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with
               all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
           3) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party
               of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
               installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb").
               This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with
               the reverse of the procedures described in step one of
               this self-same document, being careful to note that the
               rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point
               also being non-negotiable.
               Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the
               option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or
               all persons authorized by him, the objective being to
               produce the most possible revenue for the party of the
               fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

   Q:  How many USENET users does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  435,235:
       1 to change the bulb
       4 to tell the one above that it should have done it differently
       365 to point out spelling/grammar errors in first 5 posts
       1834 to flame the spell checkers
       4598 to correct spelling in spelling flames
       6785 to say please move to alt.spelling.lite.bulb
       15,467 (deleted in the interest of political correctness)
       23,456 to endlessly debate which method is superior
       236,789 to concatenate all articles to date, then quote them, only
              to say, "Me Too"
       106,345 to quote the "Me Toos" to say, "Me Three"
       1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup
       89,345 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold"fusion was meant
              for, leave it here
       10,584 votes for alt.lite.bulb

   Q:  How many senior managers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs
        burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as managers can do
        to make the light bulbs work smarter, not harder.

   Q:  How many Help Desk people does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  PC Repair has received your mail concerning your hardware problem
        and has assigned your request Service Order Number 39712.  Please
        use this number for any future reference to this case of trouble.
        As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

   Q:  How many support staff people does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be
        working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have?  Ok.
        Just exactly how dark is it?  Ok.  There could be four or
        five things wrong.  Have you tried the light switch?

   Q:  How many integration testers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  We just find the problem.  We don't fix them.

   Q:  How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  The light bulb works fine on the systems in all other offices. Why
         would YOURS not work?

   Q:  How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A1: That's a hardware problem.
   A2: One, but if s/he changes it, the whole building will probably fall
        down.

   Q:  How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A1: Tell software to code around it.
   A2: None.  They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.

   Q:  How many contract programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  Two. One always quits in the middle of the project.

   Q:  How many help desk techs does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  I think that's a device driver problem.

   Q:  How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write
        WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...

   Q:  How many C++ programmer's does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  You're still thinking procedurally.  A properly designed light
        bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb
        class, so all you'd have to do is send it a bulb change message.

   Q:  How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   A:  Only one, but it may take upwards of five years to get it done.

   Q:  How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  None:  Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

   Q:  How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
   A:  None:  A Real Woman would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.

   Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   A: A tree in a golden forest.

   Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
   A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with
      brightly colored machine tools.

   Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a
      surprising twist at the end.

   Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
   A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

   Q. How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
   A. Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.

enjoy it
www.exmlsoft.com

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