HOW TO WRITE GOOD
 
1.  Avoid alliteration. Always.
2.  Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.  Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4.  Employ the vernacular.
5.  Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary
    (and in poor taste).
7.  It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8.  Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
9.  Foreign words and phrases are not apropos; in toto.
10.  One should never ever generalize.
11.  Eliminate quotations.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
     quotations.  Tell me what you know."
12.  Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13.  Don't be redundant;  don't use more words than necessary; it is
     highly superfluous; be concise & understandable. Do not repeat yourself
     in any case.
14.  Vulgarity is damned well unappreciated.
15.  Be more or less specific whenever possible.
16.  Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
     earthshaking ideas.
17.  One word sentences? Eliminate.
18.  Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19.  The passive voice is to be avoided.
20.  Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
21.  Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
22.  Who needs rhetorical questions?
23.  Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
24.  If you cant spel gud then at least write right. Right?