Subject: A little humor for the afternoon
Subject: Application Problems
To: Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all
other programs and launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking
about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on
this program.
Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,


A TROUBLED USER
Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is
gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend
7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to
install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than
the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I
suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to
alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I
might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults
and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best
course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will
have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will
return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the
blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.
This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.