DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 TO BE ANNOUNCED
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an
annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service by killing him/herself in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for 1997.
You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out
moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO
(jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be
turned off once it was turned on. 1994's winner was the fellow who was
killed by a Coke machine which toppled on top of him as he was
attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
The 1997 nominees are:
NOMINEE #1 [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club
to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself
to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
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NOMINEE #2 [Kalamazoo Gazette, 4-1-95]
James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in
March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type
truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns
hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling
noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man
found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
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NOMINEE #3 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of
his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb, slipped and fell 23
floors to his death while he was standing on chair on wheels. "It
appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony. It's one of
those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected."
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NOMINEE #4 [Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot
himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the
sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when
he drew it to his ear.
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NOMINEE #5 [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with
his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion
Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of
the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police
reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
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NOMINEE #6 [AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO,
Egypt (AP)]
Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue
a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An
18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He
drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him
down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could
swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two
elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by
the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of
the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo.
The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.
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NOMINEE #7 [Bloomburg News Service, 25 March]
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation
are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas.
There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of
methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans
and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right
combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from
breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had
he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been
fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was
".. a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]."
Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
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NOMINEE #9 [18 May 93, San Jose Mercury News]
A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was
killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole
in the median strip of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon.
Police said that the man was traveling at 80 MPH and, judging by the
sales manual that was found open and clutched to his chest, had been
busy reading.
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NOMINEE #13 [Reuters, Warsaw, Poland, 5 May
1995]
A poacher electrocuting fish in a lake in
central Poland fell into the water and suffered the same fate as his
quarry, police said Thursday. The 24-year-old man was one of four who
went fishing with a cable, one end of which they attached to a net and
the other to a high-voltage electricity supply line, the PAP news
agency quoted a police official in Wloclawek as saying. "For a while
everything went according to the poachers' plan and they had fish in
their bags. But at a certain moment the man holding the net tripped
and fell into the water," the agency said. The other poachers tried in
vain to revive him, it said.
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NOMINEE #14 [AP, St. Louis]
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked
out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of
the store: paramedics removed the six inch wiener from his throat,
where it had choked him to death.
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NOMINEE #15 [Unknown]
The poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag
standing above him on a overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.
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NOMINEE 16 [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA]
A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his
mouth and bit down,triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24,of
Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday
night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked
to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't
go off and this guy said, I'll show you how to set it off. "I just
can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
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NOMINEE #17 [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 1-1-93]
In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men
who were attempting to steal copper wire off live electrical lines for
resale were electrocuted. Copper wiring is a valuable scrap metal in
Texas but is usually stolen from electric cables that are not being
used.
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Here are some people that may be future
nominees/winners, but still
haven't made it to the "Big Leagues"
[UPI, Portland, OR]
Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said
Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is
lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony
Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into
a men's rafting club Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A
friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to
the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would
have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the
University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skill,
yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also
said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would
have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends
had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about
this." No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district
attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
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From The Calgary Sun Saturday, December 28,
1996: Low Blow for Gunman VANCOUVER (CP)
A man arguing over a love triangle accidentally
shot himself in the groin, taking off his testicles and part of his
penis. Police said the man was waving a .357 Magnum revolver around
during the shouting match early yesterday. But when he stuffed it back
in his pants the gun went off. Police were called to the hospital
after the man in his 20's was brought in by friends. Charges are
pending against the victim, who is expected to survive.
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Arkansas Democrat Gazette, July 25, 1996:Two
Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident, Cotton Patch, Ark.
Two local men were seriously injured when their
pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on
State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey
Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston
Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy RayWallis, 38, of Little Rock are
listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident
occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging
trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the
older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate
properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River
bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before
crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and
struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the
right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only
minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery
to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his nuts off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
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