The Real Programmer At Play


> Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works -- with
> computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually pays him
> to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he is careful
> not to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally, the Real
> Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of fresh air and a
> beer or two. Some tips on recognizing real programmers away from the
> computer room:
> 
> *	At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner
> talking about operating system security and how to get around it.
> 
> *	At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the
> plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
> 
> *	At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts
> in the sand.
> 
> *	A Real Programmer goes to discos to watch the light shows. At a
> funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George. And he
> almost had the sort routine working before the coronary."
> 
> *	In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists
> on running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because
> he never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first
> time.
> 
> 
> 
> The Real Programmer's Natural Habitat
> 
> 
> What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function best in?
> This is an important question for the managers of Real Programmers.
> Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one on the staff,
> it's best to put him (or her) in an environment where he can get his
> work done.
> 
> The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer terminal.
> Surrounding this terminal are:
> 
> *	Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on,
> piled in roughly chronological order on every flat surface in the
> office.
> 
> *	Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.
> Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the coffee. In
> some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush.
> 
> *	Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OSJCL manual
> and the Principles of Operation open to some particularly interesting
> pages.
> 
> *	Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the year
> 1969.
> 
> *	Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter
> filled cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the bakery
> so they can't get any worse while waiting in the vending machine.
> 
> *	Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of
> double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.
> 
> *	Underneath the Oreos is a flow-charting template, left there by
> the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write programs,
> not documentation. Leave that to the maintenance people.)
> 
> 
> The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours at a
> stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that way. Bad
> response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer -- it gives him a
> chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If there is not
> enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to make
> things more challenging by working on some small but interesting part
> of the problem for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest in
> the last week, in two or three 50-hour marathons. This not only
> impresses the heck out of his manager, who was despairing of ever
> getting the project done on time, but creates a convenient excuse for
> not doing the documentation. In general:
> 
> *	No Real Programmer works 9 to 5. (Unless it's the ones at
> night.)
> 
> *	Real Programmers don't wear neckties.
> 
> *	Real Programmers don't wear high heeled shoes. [But you *never*
> know!]
> 
> *	Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch.
> 
> *	A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He
> does, however, know the entire ASCII (and/or EBCDIC) code table.
> 
> *	Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't
> open at three in the morning.
> 
> *	Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee.
> 
> 
> 

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