> The Real Programmer At Play
> Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works -- with
> computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually pays him
>
> to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he is careful
> not
> to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally, the Real Programmer
> does step out of the office for a breath of fresh air and a beer or
> two.
>
> Some tips on recognizing real programmers away from the computer room:
>
> * At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking
> about operating system security and how to get around it.
> * At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the
> plays
> against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
> * At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in
> the
> sand.
> * A Real Programmer goes to discos to watch the light shows.
> * At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George.
> And
> he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary."
> * In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists on
> running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because he
> never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first time.
>
> The Real Programmer's Natural Habitat
> What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function best in?
> This
> is an important question for the managers of Real Programmers.
> Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one on the staff,
> it's
> best to put him (or her) in an environment where he can get his work
> done. The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer
> terminal.
>
> Surrounding this terminal are:
> * Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on,
> piled
> in roughly chronological order on every flat surface in the office.
> * Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.
> * Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the coffee.
> In
> some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush.
> * Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OSJCL manual and
>
> the Principles of Operation open to some particularly interesting
> pages.
> * Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calender for the year
> 1969.
> * Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter filled
>
> cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the bakery so they
> can't get any worse while waiting in the vending machine.
> * Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of
> double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.
> * Underneath the Oreos is a flow-charting template, left there by the
> previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write programs,
> not
> documentation. Leave that to the maintainence people.)
>
> The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours at a
> stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that way. Bad
> response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer -- it gives him a
> chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If there is not
> enough
> schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to make things more
>
> challenging by working on some small but interesting part of the
> problem
> for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest in the last week, in
>
> two or three 50-hour marathons. This not only inpresses the hell out
> of
> his manager, who was despairing of ever getting the project done on
> time, but creates a convenient excuse for not doing the documentation.
>
>
> In general:
> * No Real Programmer works 9 to 5. (Unless it's the ones at night.)
> * Real Programmers don't wear neckties.
> * Real Programmers don't wear high heeled shoes. [But you *never*
> know!]
> * Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch.
> * A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He does,
> however, know the entire ASCII (and/or EBCDIC) code table.
> * Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't open
> at
> three in the morning.
> * Real Programmers survive on Twinkies and coffee.
>
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