Patrick Santucci writes:

> To get only off-topic posts, including Wirt's Amazing Encyclopedic
>  Ruminations(tm), it should be possible to send:
>
>  SUBSCRIBE HP3000-L DIGRESS
>
>  (I know, I used that joke a couple days ago, but with all the off-topic
>  traffic lately I thought it was Wirt -- I mean worth -- repeating :)
>
>  Patrick
>
>  P.S. Wirt, you alluded to your Arabic being a little rusty. Just how
>  many languages do you know?

To nip this most recent bit of nonsense in the bud, it's important to realize
that there are tricks to making yourself look smarter than you are. The first
and most important trick of all is: "If you haven't the slightest idea of what
people are talking about, keep quiet and just listen. If you do that, no one
will ever know how much you don't know."

The second great trick is: "If the conversation does, by some great accident,
turn to something you are well familiar with, say what you know simply.
Simplicity adds an unusually potent air of authority."

And, finally, if all else fails, the third trick to make yourself look far
more intelligent than you are is to use chicanery. Stan wrote me a note
yesterday. Without asking his permission, I've enclosed a slightly expanded
version of my reply to him here:

========================================

Stan,

> Do you read Arabic?
>
>  If so, would you like a photocopy of "The Wizard of Oz" in Arabic?

That was a JOKE, son. I know perhaps ten words in Arabic. Gimel/jamel/gamel
just happened to be one of them.

About 30 years ago, when I was working at our local university in the
entomology department, at the time of the first moon landing, I bought a
particularly nice book that was a history of all of man's dreams about space
flight. On one page was an ancient Arabic text about a flight to the moon that
I asked one of my office-mates, Ahmed El-Sokarri, an Egyptian entomologist, to
see if he could read it. Because it was ancient Arabic, Ahmed was stumbling
around, trying to translate the sentences into English. About the same time, I
discovered a translation on the opposite page, quickly memorized it, figured
out where he was, put my finger there, and starting "translating" the
remainder of it. Ahmed could hardly contain his surprise and joy. He was
bouncing off of the walls.

It took me ten minutes before I had the heart to tell him what I was doing.

Thanks anyway :-).

Wirt

========================================

It's also important to put all of this in context. in an earlier life, I
taught graduate-level evolutionary ecology at our local university for ten
years, mostly to kids that either were just about to finish their Ph.D.s or
already had. In that context, if I or anyone else didn't know the material
that I just mentioned, they would be considered an incompetent fool. In that
environment, it's about on the par of knowing how to plug in a modem. It's
just something that you're expected to know.

Wirt Atmar