Ray Shahan wrote,
>And probably another 20% with the question: "Is there paper in the
>printer?"

This reminds me of a very amusing story an HP CE told me.  It took place
back in the days before the Response Center, when each field office had
its own PICS line.  This guy was working PICS one day, and was on the
phone with a customer, when he saw the dispatcher take a call, franticly
write a message, and come running in his direction with a look of
urgency on her face, waving the note in the air.  The note she placed in
front of him said "Printer on fire!"  He had his customer hold for a
moment, told the dispatcher, "Tell them to call the fire department,"
and continued with his call.

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