Date:  06/02/1997  08:01 am  (Monday)
      From:  Dean Lambert
        To:  Jimk,jimr,daryleh,timh,timn
   Subject:  Darwin Award

 Subject:  DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED

DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED

You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to
the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda
out of it.

In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a jet engine
(JATO) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet
above the road.This was a solid fuel rocket booster used to help planes
get off the ground.

And now, the 1997 winner:  Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the
few
Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.

Larry's boyhood dream was to fly.  When he graduated from high
school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him.  When he was finally
discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his
backyard.

One day, Larry, had a bright idea.  He decided to fly.  He went to the
local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and
several tanks of helium.  The weather balloons, when fully inflated,
would measure more than four feet across.  Back home, Larry securely
strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair.  He anchored the chair to
the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He
climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground.

Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a
six-pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun -- figuring he could pop a few
balloons when it was time to descend -- and went back to the floating
lawn chair.  He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions.
Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his
back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back
down.

Things didn't quite work out that way.

When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float
lazily up to 30 or so feet.  Instead, he streaked into the LA sky as if shot
from a cannon.  He didn't level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100
feet.  After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at
11,000 feet.  At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons,
lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble.
So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours.
Then he really got in trouble.  He found himself drifting into the primary
approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport.

A United pilot first spotted Larry.  He radioed the tower and described
passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.  Radar confirmed  the
existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport.  LAX
emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was
dispatched to investigate.

LAX is right on the ocean.  Night was falling and the offshore breeze
began to flow.  It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot
pursuit.

Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry.  Once the crew
determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for
a rescue, but the draft from the blades would push Larry away
whenever they neared.  Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position
several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line.  Larry
snagged the line and was hauled back to shore.  The difficult maneuver
was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew.

As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting
members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.  As he was led away
in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked
why he had done it.

Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit
around."