Okay, I'm back and the article I just ready brought back memories of my
lay over in Detroit.  

This is spooky stuff, so I thought I would try to relax by adding the
following.

Enjoy  :)

________________________________________________

Some unexpected answers to those nagging health question 
from Dr. Buford Teapotts, MD. 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong 
life. Is this true? 
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's 
it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out 
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live 
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your 
car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and 
vegetables? 
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow 
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a 
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of 
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat 
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green 
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of 
your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. 

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? 
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and 
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything 
in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and 
vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, 
and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so 
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a 
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your 
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is 
two to one, etc. 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a 
regular exercise program? 
A: Can't think of a single one. Sorry. My philosophy is: 
No Pain = Good. Or better yet.....No Pain = No Pain. 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? 
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in 
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could 
getting more vegetables be bad for you? 

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? 
A: Thicker gravy. 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft 
around the middle? 
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets 
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a 
bigger stomach! 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me? 
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another 
vegetable!!! It's the best 'feel-good' food around! 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you 
may have had about food and diets.  Glad I could help you 
out! 

[Disclaimer: This is a joke.  GCFL.net does not know 
anything about health. If you have health concerns, 
contact a medical doctor!] 

* To join/leave the list, search archives, change list settings, *
* etc., please visit http://raven.utc.edu/archives/hp3000-l.html *