It's Friday for me, so I thought I'd pass along this one.
Although, I must say I disagree with #14 - in Minnesota, we think only
Iowegans eat
them carp and catfish.

Subject: Midwest

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota,
those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list
will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we
saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
little trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to your ear
at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two
weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're
a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstates 70, 80, 90 & 94 go two ways--Interstates 29 & 35 go the other two.
Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the
fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and go home




Paul D. Christensen
PC Enterprises Inc.      [log in to unmask]
206 Central Avenue
P.O. Box 369
Osakis MN 56360-0369  (www.lakeosakismn.com)

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