----- Original Message -----
From: "Elizabeth Campbell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 9:48 AM

Subject: [HP3000-L] OT: Wednesday Humor: Ireland declares war on Iraq


Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am pleased to tell you you'll have no more trouble with the UN
inspectors."

"I'm very pleased to hear that," said Saddam. "But how come you can arrange
it?"

"Ah," said Paddy, "and didn't oi tell you? My full name is Hans 'Paddy'
Blix, and now you've told me all we need to know, we don't need the
inspectors any more.
Oh, and one last thing".

"What's that?" says the by now very angry Saddam.

"D-u-u-u-u-c-k!!!"

--
Roy Brown

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