AOL has a process called Member Soapbox Commentary. Quite often, they're very
well reasoned. I liked today's, so I thought that I would pass it along for
your (inevitable) comments :-).
Wirt Atmar
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Turkey Just Chicken?
Soapbox commentary by AOL member HumanWanted
So, Turkey doesn't want to join our Coalition of the Willing. Are they
ducking their NATO responsibilities or are they just chicken?
I’m sure there are plenty of countries more than happy to trade away their
sovereignty for $22 billion in cash, plus a player to-be-named later. In
fact, Iceland and Panama have expressed an interest in allowing American
ground troops to launch an attack against Iraq from their soil. Sure,
geography might be a small problem here, but at least they’re not big scaredy
cats like those Turkish Taffys.
What are these Turks so afraid of? Yes, they share a border with Iraq, and
yes, their indigenous Kurdish population might be encouraged to join up with
their brethren down south, thus creating permanent instability in the region,
But geez, you sons and daughters of Kemal Ataturk, look what you’re getting
in return!
Twenty-two billon dollars. That’s more than your gross national product. That
kind of cash can keep you in baklava and that thick nasty coffee for
thousands of years. We’ll even sweeten the pot for you. Once a post-Saddam
Iraq becomes a model of Western democracy (yes, I do believe in the Tooth
Fairy), you’ll have a really friendly neighbor to do business with. And
we’ll let you have all of its oil. That’s right. You’ll be a world-class
country then. Look how the oil industry transformed Mexico. You don’t see
illegals streaming into the U.S. anymore. All Mexicans are rich now.
So, you timid children of Ankara, you better hitch your wagon to this runaway
Train of the Willing or you will be one sorry caboose of a country. Look
who’s signed up already. We have Bulgaria committing 150 non-combat troops.
The mere thought of those highly-trained near-soldiers must have ol’ Saddam
quaking in his boots. Slovakia is sending shaving kits and sewing notions.
Our loyal and good friend Latvia is loaning us its one functioning pickup
truck. Atlantis has signed on just so it won’t be mythical anymore. Hurry up,
Turkey, time's a-wastin’!
Oh, you meek progeny of the Ottoman Empire, this is a golden opportunity.
Look at the press you’ll get. Think of all the little maps in Time and
Newsweek showing troop deployments with your country prominently featured.
Kuwait who? In three or four months, many Americans will almost be able to
find you on a world map. Many will learn that “Turkish delight” is really a
yummy sweet treat, not a call-girl in Istanbul. Heck, we’ll even learn how to
pronounce "Istanbul."
And let’s not forget the strong historical ties between our two countries.
Thanks to Abraham Lincoln, we celebrate Thanksgiving. And what do we like to
eat on Thanksgiving? Belgium? Chile? Sri Lanka? No. We feast on turkey. And
not just for one day. We eat if for a week until its carcass is completely
clean… okay, that was a bad metaphor.
Who was on your side when you ethnic-cleansed all those nasty Armenians? Who
was with you when you picked all those fights with neighboring Greece? And
who, but us, could enshrine your great nation forever in the lingo of our
popular sport 10-pin bowling? Three strikes is a turkey in any language.
It’s not that we really need you. We can attack Iraq from the south and, if
necessary, from a place farther south. Go ahead, mock us with your
well-placed airstrips and army bases. Taunt us with your accessible terrain.
We can go it alone if we have to…
Hey, how does $26 billion sound?
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