Gentle HP 3000 Listers,

I found the following on a Windows 95 list.  Enjoy.


>"Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates..."
>
>"Oh, hi, Satan.  What's up downstairs?"
>
>"It's tiiiiime..."
>
>"Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer >swears he'll wipe
out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants >to change the tile in the
third-floor kitchen again, >and..."
>
>"Sorry, Bill.  I've given you too many extensions already, >not to mention
the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to >mention Steve Jobs' head on a
platter."
>
>"Yeah, that was a good one.  I think you enjoy this as much >as I..."
>
>"Regardless, a deal's a deal.  Your soul is mine, Bill >Gates. And today
is the day you pay your eternal debt to >me."
>
>"Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan..."
>
>"Reasonable?!?  You want reasonable?!?  You're the richest >man in the
world!  You've got a beautiful wife and >daughter!  Microsoft is the most
powerful company on the >planet!  We're even using NT to run hell's WAN
server!  And >frankly, it sucks.  That's one of the reasons I've come to
>collect.  If you can't get my network to run right, you'll >spend the
afterlife writing Windows applications that run >on doorbells..."
>
>"What's your alternative, Satan?  Netware?  AppleTalk? >OS/2? You're a
funny guy for someone who breathes fire."
>
>"Well, God is porting all his heaven-critical applications >to Java..."
>
>"Java?!?  Stop it, Satan.  You're going to make me wet my >pants again
like that time you told me to buy Novell for >$50 a share."
>
>"Yes, Java, running on Sun servers, IBM plumbing and Oracle >databases
with thin clients accessing the apps via the web >through Netscape
Navigator."
>
>"That's not a solution, that's one of those Grimm's fairy >tales that
scare children to death.  I have yet to see an >NC actually being used to
do anything except crash during >demonstrations.  Look, Java is a nice
little language for >animating web sites, but Shockwave after too many
espressos >isn't going to displace Windows as an applications platform >on
hundreds of millions of PCs."
>
>"Nevertheless, Java is the future of computing, and I'll be >damned if I'm
going to give God a strategic technology >advantage!"
>
>"Satan, what if I told you I could kill off Java with a >single word?"
>
>"Interesting.  Tell me more."
>
>"Wait a minute.  What's in it for me?"
>
>"I promise I won't turn you into Larry Ellison's bidet >right this
second."
>
>"Okay, that works for me.  Here's the word...disable."
>
>"Disable what?"
>
>"Disable Java support in Internet Explorer."
>
>"You mean Microsoft's web browser won't run Java anymore?"
>
>"That's right, brimstone breath.  You want to run Java, >give Netscape 50
bucks per seat and pray that IBM doesn't >buy the company to merge
Communicator with Lotus Notes."
>
>"The Department of Justice will..."
>
>"Will what?  Punish me because I won't support a product my >enemies want
to use to destroy my company?  Chevrolet >dealers don't have to sell Fords.
 Pepsi's restaurants >don't have to offer Coke.  Why does Microsoft have to
>support Java?"
>
>"It's an industry standard..."
>
>"It's an industry hallucination."
>
>"There will be a public outcry..."
>
>"From who?  Network managers?  MIS?  The CIO?  They're up >to their
nosehairs in Cobol getting ready for January 1, >2000.  To them, Java is
still a cute word for coffee."
>
>"What about all those spiffy applets on thousands of web >sites?"
>
>"Microsoft owns 100 percent of the Apple and Windows >preload market for
browsers, and our overall share has gone >from zero to half in two years.
 It's a safe bet most >people will soon use IE for web access.  If they
come to a >site that doesn't work because of Java, they'll simply jump >to
the next one.  Trust me, developers will switch to >ActiveX faster than you
can say 'Playstation.'"
>
>"What about other platforms..."
>
>"Like Intel has competition?"
>
>"Interactive TV..."
>
>"We call it WebTV in Redmond."
>
>"Venture capitalists have invested billions..."
>
>"To get a date with Kim Polese."
>
>"Sun will write a plug-in..."
>
>"Not without the hidden APIs."
>
>"Of all my minions, you are my very favorite, Bill.  You >may stay."
>
>"Thanks, Satan.  Now, about that Exchange license >agreement..."

Kind regards,

Denys. . .

Denys Beauchemin
HICOMP America, Inc.
(800) 323-8863  (281) 288-7438         Fax: (281) 355-6879
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